Books that make us better people

These are the kind of books you might want to pick up in your mid to late teens to really start thinking about where you want to go and who you want to be. Yet, in reality if they’re good for a young brain, they’re gonna be great at any age! I think they are able to provide a vision for a genuine road map, which may change and you may take detours but at least you can start on your road. They don’t tell you what to do, they provide you with the right questions and you can take it from there.

These are books which really inspired me when it came to personal development as well as instilled some want to be more deeply connected with society and community. I do want to make a little side note, that when it comes to famous figures - you’ll notice there’s Michelle Obama’s memoir in the list - I really read these types of books cautiously because there’s always an underlying message. So what I do is take the gist, take the inspiration and leave the rest - do I care what she’s saying about Barack - no; do I care when she’s commenting about the political rallies and life at the White House - definitely not; can I see her as an example of a professional woman juggling a career, a family and a partner’s choices which inevitably change her role - yes; is she inspiring in the way she handles this - very.

I say this because when it comes to these figures, as nice as we always want to picture them (and hope they are), there’s usually so much more that we can’t see. So I like to be cautious and never, so to speak, “idolize” any of them. And I think this really goes for everyone, every author and every tv personality - open your eyes to the bigger picture.

Let’s take David Brooks first. This trilogy comprises: The Social Animal: A story of how success happens (2011) - The Road to Character (2015) - The Second Mountain: The quest for a moral life (2019).

These are three very inspirational books to me, and I find myself constantly referring back to them. But why? I appreciate the way that I can feel how Brooks has developed as a person and as a writer over the course of 8 years (and perhaps a decade in reality). He admits these changes and how some ideas have altered over time, since writing The Social Animal - this to me is authentic. After all, we all change, we all pass through experiences that are new and that may alter us and our beliefs. I love that he speaks about values and living with principles in a world that most times, doesn’t do so - so how can you still function within it? I enjoy the many examples and people he talks about to solidify his argument and to prove that it is possible because others have done so before us. So let’s dig into the specifics of why you should read these books to me.

The Social Animal: A Story of How Success Happens

This book was an eye opener and though I might not have agreed with everything, I agreed with most and it was a super easy read. The fact that it was conversational and not too formal or rigid is something I’m very attracted to.

Here Brooks builds a narrative around two characters - Harold and Erica. He delves into the workings of the unconscious mind to breathe new meaning into our notion of success, by focusing on our emotions, intuitions, genetic predispositions and deeper self. Inevitably he explores various areas of modern life, including: mapmaking, attachment, parenting, schooling, love, family, culture, achievement, marriage, politics, morality, aging, death, and the different paths in life which open up to us and which we choose or not - freedom and commitment, choice architecture, meaning.

This is the kind of book you want to read on the weekends, as a break from heavy theory, it’s a book that will make you laugh, smile and think.

The Road to Character

Here Brooks continues exploring the workings of the unconscious mind and its impact on our lives. We don’t have a narrative built around two characters anymore, instead we have a study on what Brooks calls our two natures - Adam I and Adam II.

It’s an interesting study which shows us the shift that some of us go through without realising, some of us experience late in life, or perhaps never at all. One nature focuses on the material elements of wealth, fame, and status; whilst the other nature is our spiritual side which aims towards internal goodness, honesty and love. Brooks puts before us the reality that many elements within society today are superficial and overly materialistic, so what would it be like if we had to focus more on our other side? What would our life look like if we focused on creating deep moral joy?

Such a book helps us encounter the questions of - what is really important in life? and who do you really want to be? - well at least that’s what this was for me. As a bonus he cites episodes from some of the greatest thinkers of our time - St. Augustine, George Eliot, Dwight Eisenhower and Samuel Johnson.

In a world ever more interested in attaining more, achieving more, how about we take a step back and think about what we really want to be remembered for.

The Second Mountain: The Quest for a Moral Life

The last of the series was for me the best book, but that just may be because I was 9 years older too! But this one really rounded off the whole journey, the whole experience.

It allowed me to appreciate that these books are really nice to read in stages - read them when it feels right, you might want to read them back-to-back or you might want to space them out. Since I could only read them with this gap in between I got to see the change and the growth I had experienced, which was kinda neat.

The Second Mountain picks up from where The Road to Character left off. Brooks explains what’s happened in his life and the changes that have taught him and brought him to where he is today. And then he starts to speak about the two mountains as two separate stages in life really. One mountain leads to the other, and we may encounter them at different stages - as always our journeys are all unique.

Essentially the first mountain is when life is all about you, you’re focused on getting to where you want to be and perhaps who you want to be. Reaching the second mountain implies that things have become deeper, there’s more meaning to your life and how others are a part of it. Brooks really focuses on how to find the moral path and what this means.

I love this book, truly.

I think in many ways Brooks is really looking for our sense of purpose and how to reach the state of being boundless - which is a flowing state like water, like a stream flowing into the ocean, getting to that point where we are conscious that we are a very small part of an immensely beautiful consciousness.

More on this in the coming Book Clubs for sure.

Daring Greatly: How the Courage to be Vulnerable Transforms the Way we Live, Love, Parent and Lead

This is another one of such books which is really about coming to terms with living a fuller and brighter life. She really focuses on the value of vulnerability and how appreciating it and using it could really help us.

Brené Brown shows us the similarities and differences between men and women when it comes to experiencing vulnerability, shame, and self-worth. But what’s most interesting is how she exemplifies and talks about living wholeheartedly. Most definitely worth a read.

Gift from the Sea

This is a book I’ve actually written two reviews about in previous blogs: Gift from the Sea I & Gift from the Sea II

I think it’s so valuable, most especially for women perhaps but even men will find it to be an invaluable source of knowledge and wisdom when it comes to relationships and the different phases a long-term relationship passes through.

It was first published in 1955 so the language is a bit slower paced and very clear and these are two reasons I really love this book. It’s the kind of book you want to read by the sea, to look up at the horizon and see white horses or a calm ocean whilst digging your toes into the sand. Anne Morrow Lindbergh actually wrote this whilst holidaying by the sea, and she contemplates beautifully how hard it is to balance life out and to please everyone. One starts to realise that we still have very much the same issues as the 50s, well at least I think certain things haven’t changed much and naturally so, we’re still getting used to things and we live with constant change which doesn’t allow us to get used to...well, much.

Read it to be consoled and to understand that we are all in the same boat when it comes to increasing commitments, love, marriage, solitude, the different phases of a marriage as well as notions of contentment. You might think differently to Lindbergh or you might not be at different stages but I think you’ll definitely benefit from the perspective.

Becoming

I’ve placed Becoming by Michelle Obama here because it was a truly enjoyably easy read. It also really reminded me of the different, and even challenging phases relationships can go through.

She starts by introducing her background and moves on to her education and her first job and then on to when she meets Barack, and well we know the rest, more or less. But the first bits I would say are most important, for example I could resonate with her because I never stopped or took a break from studies; I too kept on going from sixth form to BA to MA and then to a job, with jobs in-between too. She brings up the fact that, you know, being on a roll can be a good thing, but it can also put you off track of who you really are and who you want to be - with all that’s going on, you may lose sight of you. Which is very true, I’ve seen it happen to others, and I’ve been aware of when I’ve gone off track too. It’s good to take that pause sometimes.

Apart from this realization that sometimes we do need to check-in with ourselves, I really admire how she is able to reinvent herself. She is able to pause, re-establish how she can remain relevant and also be able to place her needs on the table, so that she doesn’t lose track of what’s important to her. Most times, this is definitely not easy to do and not easy to follow through with. When we need to reinvent ourselves it usually entails some drastic or at least big decision, but it’s important to stay true to us, whatever that decision may entail.

On the next Book Club I’ll be going through some other books along this theme of books which make us better people.

Enjoy your reading!

Book Club